FOUND - MY NEW NORMAL
3/18/2020
I need routine. I need structure. I cannot function like this for long. I need to go to my office, check my email, assess needs, create tasks for the day, complain about those tasks, eat lunch, get my steps in, return home, relax and unwind, rest and recuperate, repeat. This is a tough situation to be in, for all of us. For me, it has become clear that I surround myself with people who never listen to me, until it is too late and now, they need me. I never wanted that to be a part of my normal but, here we are.
Things could be worse, many of my friends have no income coming in. I feel for them. I also celebrate their creativity. So many of them have taken advantage of technology to engage and entertain friends and followers and that is a beautiful thing. So, how long will this go on? how long will this be the standard for us all? Are we confident in our governments to keep us safe from this?
My routine has not changed much. I get up at 6:30am. I wash my face, brush my teeth, start coffee. Last night’s news, in the morning. By 9am, I am in my home office, signed into TEAMS, now, I’m at work. The news is on. Democracy Now or MSNBC. This is my normal only, I work from home. I could do this on the regular, it’s just my partner and me oh, and my cat. But, just the two of us and the cat can be stressful. For one, my partner doesn’t have to get up early, this is new to him. My cat has her own routine, I usually do not get to see this. But, now that I do, I see that they both waste a lot of time. That’s hard for me to see. My job doesn’t allow for my downtime. I am always on alert.
It almost feels like a rainy day, everyday. You can go outside but, why and, is it really worth it? Plus, I am fine alone. I actually prefer to be alone. People give me so much unwanted stress. These days have been beautiful yet, we are being told to stay inside and to practice “social distancing”. I just want to be left alone. I’m working but, I’m getting tired of working. I’ve been unappreciated for a while now and, I just found out that my direct report is leaving after 10 years of service. She has been a great partner, she listens and understands what I say. Often, her hands were tied by ignorance and privilege. So, I understand the frustration but, selfishly, I feel like she was/is my best ally.
So much has been revealed by all of this.
People are ignorant. More than we thought before.
We are currently stuck in place. We can’t really look for new jobs, the world is uncertain.
Technology has always mattered. And, now that we are all leaning on it, it is clear who doesn’t have that knowledge.
I’m trying really hard to not fly off the handle. What I need does not appear to matter to anyone.
Baking is my safe space. Every room is an office.
I wish I was my cat. Not any cat, just mine. She has a good life.
My self-care game is strong.
Co-dependency...
I missed video games.
Adulting sucks.
4/10/2020
One month later, I am getting anxious. Work demands based on ignorance. I am taking that out on my partner. It is not fair. I am stressed. Not so much about the world outside but, the expectations of people who know nothing about navigating in this space. There are many people trying to appear strong as if, they’ve been through a global pandemic before. While, there are some leaders out there, admitting that they do not know how to proceed in this new normal. Even our government struggles to use modern technology while, kids with iPads run circles around the, These are our leaders.
I have been thinking a lot about the work I have been doing and how I have been doing that work. I need to work towards more evergreen content with my podcasts. It is clear that I cannot count on the work everyone else is putting out. Many are going virtual. So, why employ your traditional and new marketing efforts for that when, you are only pushing people to your websites, your feeds, your channels? What would life be like if I did take the planned leap sooner?
What about the people I know who are in more stressful situations? What about the families who now have to think about their “rainy day” funds that really have just begun? People are trying to keep their brains busy but, the greed of society makes it a challenge to find eggs, bacon, toilet paper, money for rent…at least pet adoptions are on the rise, another mouth to feed. How to keep yourself busy, focus on the things you wished you had the time for. Do not feel like you have to over-perform right now. Try to help the people around. Tell them that you love them. Then, tell them again. And, one more time to be sure. Find moments of laughter and joy. Read. Bake. Play. Walk. Live. Continue to live.
Be safe. Stay healthy. Wash Your Hands. This is a moment to look back on and remember whether you were living your best life. It is time to take stock in the hopes and dreams you had before and move in the direction of reaching them. Share your stories. Document your life. Keep in touch with those who matter to you. Be well.
